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“I can’t go back to yesterday — because I was a different person, then.”

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~ Lewis Carroll

I’ve been off blogging about other things, but today Tiger Ranch popped back into my mind. (No, I haven’t stopped writing — it’s what I do. I’m just doing it elsewhere.)

The Tiger Ranch raid happened over two years ago. It came up on my “radar” because at that time I was heavily involved in the no-kill rescue world in PA.

Little did I know at the time… but that event set off a whole chain of Big Life Lessons. I wasn’t inclined to think I needed “life lessons” — I was pretty sure I had it all figured out.

Ha.

Watch out. Sometimes, the times when you think you have it “all figured out”… are the times when life is about to bitch slap you with a load of lessons.

Hard.

In retrospect, it is hard for me to imagine it took me so long to figure some of this stuff out. Mea culpa.

Thus I present…

Lessons I Learned

1. Everyone has an agenda. And very few people in this world actually have joy, love, and honesty in their hearts. Most everything anyone does — no matter how altruistic and “for the greater good” it looks — is done to further their Personal Agenda. That’s fine. That’s what we all do. But beware sows’ ears presented as silk purses. And make sure you aren’t the one seeing “sow’s ear” and interpreting it as “silk purse”.

2. People who scream the loudest to convince other people of their goodness and rightness are usually the ones with the biggest personal demons and the biggest lies to hide. Simple overcompensation.

3. Very few people actually care about the Truth enough to live it. This explodes my head continually, because without Truth, what do we have? Exactly nothing. But never mind… that simple fact seems to escape the greater proportion of the population. It is what it is. People only like the parts of Truth that further their Personal Agendas. “Truth” is sacrificed all the time, using the excuses of comfort and convenience, by the demons of pride, ego, fear, and shame and/or embarrassment. But obfuscating or ignoring Truth does not make it magically disappear or change. The Truth is still there. Lying in wait, to derail you at some unknown time in the future. And obfuscation and lies eat away your soul, little by little, until there is no soul left.

4. Internet bickering and wars on discussion forums are an absurd, self-aggrandizing waste of time. Discussion and debate are great. When it devolves into anonymous keyboard-warrior flamefests and free-for-alls? Filled with hate and vitriol? Sorry, I don’t have time for it, or any interest in participating. Show me someone who spends their time spewing hate on the internet, and I’ll show you someone with horrible self-esteem. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Burned it.

5. People are often not who they present themselves to the world to be.

6. Be cautious about who — and what — you give your heart to. And don’t ever give your whole heart away. Save some for yourself.

7. Living with lies does not work. Ever. You can try to keep kicking the can down the curb, but only one of two things can happen. The Truth prevails… Or you die drowning in the misery of the sea of lies that you’ve spun around yourself. Or bricked in by your own walls of denial. Every day you live with a lie, another brick is added and the walls get higher.

8. We all get to choose who to keep in our circle, and who doesn’t fit. We are not “stuck” with the people in our life, or with situations that seem to have “no way out”. Thinking you are “stuck”, ever — and blaming other people for being stuck, or for “what they do (or did) to you” –  is the biggest lie of all. It’s pure horse shit. It’s your life. Own it. Direct it. Nurture it. Life does not happen “to you”. You make it happen.

“Yeah, well, Madras, so what?”

We are all ultimately responsible for ourselves, for the paths we choose to follow and for the choices we make in life.

We can seek to influence other people in a positive way. We can choose to try to help other people’s experiences on this planet be better ones — but we are only responsible for our own experiences and actions. Not anyone else’s. And nobody else is responsible for our own life experience. I do believe that everyone makes the best choices they are able to make at the time they make them. And every day is a new day, to make a new choice. Don’t continue to pour investments of time, energy, and love into choices that are no longer good ones — just because it seemed like a good choice at some previous time.

Sometimes, despite our best intentions and efforts, the choices we make blow up in our faces and things go horribly wrong. But in the end we all own our choices, our actions… and our reactions.

Blaming other people for one’s own actions — and reactions — is the ultimate FAIL.

Taking responsibility for other people’s actions — and reactions — is equally messed up.

Own your life.

Own your feelings and emotions.

Own your choices.

Own your actions.

There are no mistakes in life… only lessons

Learn life’s lessons even when you want to stick your head in the sand or run away because you don’t think you want to learn them.

You only get the one life.

You can stay on the hamster wheel, and keep repeating the same mistakes… Or you can say “no thx, I’ve had enough of the Hamster Wheel of Insanity”, and jump off any time.

So now what?

I’m off the wheel.

I have a new path to follow.

Who knows where this one goes? And frankly it doesn’t matter.

It’s going the right direction, and it is pointing forward.

Choose your path wisely. And don’t spin in place.

If you bet on a losing horse, don’t be afraid to own that decision, too.

Will you add another brick to the wall today, further choking off Light and Truth? Happiness and Freedom?

(Thunk.)

Or will you summon the courage to bust down the wall, to live a life of authenticity — with true integrity?

hat tip, headbutts and {bows} to the elusive and etherial creature known as iamlazarus… life is a fascinating journey… see you on the flip side…

“A man that would sacrifice his freedom for security deserves neither. The God who gave us life gave us liberty at the same time.”

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-Charles Louis de Secundat, the Baron of Montesquieu

I haven’t updated this site in ages. Quite frankly, I lost all interest in the Tiger Ranch case when Lin Marie plead guilty to reduced charges.

My interest in the case was sparked by how badly I thought PSPCA handled the raid, and I elected to give Lin Marie the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to see the case go to trial, so that there might be a chance for all sides of the story to be told. When she chose to accept the plea, it meant the closure that I wanted would never arrive. I don’t begrudge her that choice, but that’s when and why I lost interest.

I’ve pulled way back from the rescue community, almost entirely out of it. I have lost my stomach for all the toxic people who are involved with it. People who run around with savior complexes, thinking that their reprehensible behavior toward other people is perfectly all right – because “It’s for the animals.”

Horse shit.

For far too many people, it’s about boosting their own egos and self esteem. Quite frankly, I don’t have the stomach for it, and I don’t wish to continue to perpetuate that sort of drama. I certainly don’t want that sort of drama in my own life.

As for the other topics and causes that interjected themselves here from time to time… I’ve lost my spirit and don’t have the life energy to tilt at any more windmills.

I’ll leave the site here for now, as a testament to the futility of naive dreams.

From: Anonymous
To: Madras
Subject: Ignorant
Sent: Oct 14, 2009 16:14

Message: It is obvious that while you think you know much about the law, you don’t understand how the system works. The judge and jury decide the outcome of cases, not an ignorant 3rd party. Animal abuse cases like Tiger Ranch should be focused on because Pennsylvania (and the rest of the states) need to be more considerate of animals. Bruno has a cult following – I’m sure you have figured that out. For whatever reason, mindless people have followed her and taken her words at face value, rather than looking at the big picture. She neglected animals. Have you seen the pictures? They are gut-wrenching. I can’t even look at your entire website because it is obvious you don’t actually know much about this. I feel sorry for your own cats. Based on the comments I have read, written by you, it wouldn’t surprise me if you neglected them the same way Bruno did. She will pay, and let the justice system do its job. You are a mere bystander who needs a better education.

IP: 67.171.103.168 HOST: c-67-171-103-168.hsd1.pa.comcast.net

Excuse me…

OK, I feel better now.

Well, my dear “Anonymous” (did your mother pick that name, or did your father?)… we’re not sure exactly which brilliant, reasoned, and insightful missive of ours you are referring to, nor do we much care.

But yes, we are “mere bystanders” who are just trying to assimilate the facts and sort through them like everyone else. We are quite well aware of what we know and what we don’t know, and don’t much need you to point it out to us.

We are neither “Bruno cult members”, nor animal abusers, and our own pets are quite well cared for to the tune of thousands of dollars a year.

But everyone is entitled to an opinion — yes, even you. Was nice of you to drop by to “enlighten” us. Really. We see the “light” and the error of our evil ways so much more clearly now that you have taken the time to edjikate us.

Don’t like the site?

Don’t come back, it’s that simple. It’s really just here for our own vanity and amusement, nothing more and nothing less.

OK, thx, bai.

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Addendum

Seems “Anonymous” got here by Google searching “Deb Jugan” and this is the missive that got him/her in a snit:

http://tortiball.com/wp/2009/01/does-assistant-district-attorney-deb-jugan-not-know-the-law-or-simply-consider-her-office-above-it/

And spent (pause to do math in head) exactly 3 minutes and 3 seconds on the site before deciding to fire off the previously quoted illustrious commentary from our Contact page.

We’re underwhelmed.

I have been pondering and I am perplexed.

Perplexed about some of this new information, perplexed as to why this whole fiasco has turned into an enormous Battle of the Egos, perplexed as to how and why so much time, money, and effort could be wasted tearing things and people and lives and infrastructures down — without sufficient effort being made to build and improve and replace and make better.

Perplexed about people who are unable to ever, ever, EVER say they may have been wrong or deficient in any way. (It’s OK to be a little bit wrong sometimes. It really is.)

If I had one wish in life, it would be that every destructive or harmful action perpetuated by anyone, would be required to be accompanied by an equal effort directed toward constructive and helpful actions.

Yin and yang.

The world needs more balance.

When you’re weary, there’s nothing better than wrapping yourself

in the warmth and security of unconditional love.

Things that make you go …

From today’s Post-Gazette:

Judge orders owner of Tiger Ranch to jail

Tuesday, October 06, 2009
By Jim McKinnon, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

The operator of a cat shelter who previously pleaded guilty to animal cruelty charges was ordered to jail yesterday after a judge learned that the woman had violated the terms of her bond.

Linda Bruno, 47, who legally changed her name to Lin Marie, pleaded guilty in July to 14 counts that include animal cruelty and tampering with public records. She faces maximum time of two years in prison on each count and a $12,000 fine.

Ms. Bruno yesterday appeared before Common Pleas Court Judge Jill Rangos for a sentencing hearing, but Judge Rangos suspended the hearing after hearing testimony from humane officers and seeing evidence that had returned to her farm in Frazer, known as Tiger Ranch.

Assistant District Attorney Deborah Jugan presented photos and video clips of what the judge said appeared to be evidence that Ms. Bruno violated several key conditions of the nominal bond that allowed her to remain free while awaiting sentencing.

Judge Rangos was dismayed to hear that Ms. Bruno had visited the old ranch; had continued to provide food and litter for animals; had lived with her mother in Sarver, not obtaining a permanent address whereby she could receive court papers; and failed to submit to a mental health evaluation, all in violation of her bond.

“Needless to say, this is very disconcerting information that I’ve received,” Judge Rangos said. “At the minimum … it’s suspicious.”

Officials seized nearly 400 cats during a March 13, 2008, raid on the Tiger Ranch cat sanctuary. Most of the animals were shipped to a temporary shelter in Clarion County, although 126 of the animals were euthanized or died on their own that night and in the days following the raid.

She was arraigned on about 600 counts that were reduced to 14 in exchange for her guilty plea.

After learning about the bond violations, Judge Rangos halted the hearing and ordered Richard Manning, a detective in the Allegheny County sheriff’s office, to inspect Tiger Ranch for evidence.

Detective Manning returned a few hours later to report a handful of Ms. Bruno’s supporters had gotten there first.

Animal rights activists outside the gates pointed out where one Bruno supporter was burning empty and used bags of pet food and litter.

Four or five stray cats were seen inside and outside of the large garage that once the hub of the integrated shelter, the detective said.

The judge then ordered Ms. Bruno to jail but said she could apply for alternative housing pending sentencing on Dec. 4.

Ms. Bruno’s attorney said she had been back to the property only once, to pick up mail.

Ms. Bruno said yesterday that she has lived for the past three or four days at the Days Inn in Harmar.

“How ridiculous,” Judge Rangos said, that five of Ms. Bruno’s supporters, “raced to her property to have a bonfire.”

She said she would leave it to the district attorney’s office to decide whether anyone should be charged for yesterday’s actions at Tiger Ranch.

[More at link]

And from this morning’s Valley News Dispatch:

The deal is over: Former Tiger Ranch owner’s bond revoked

By Chuck Biedka and Matthew Santoni, VALLEY NEWS DISPATCH
Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The owner of the defunct Tiger Ranch cat sanctuary in Frazer will await sentencing from her jail cell for violating an agreement while she was free on bond, an Allegheny County judge ruled Monday.

Allegheny County Judge Jill E. Rangos ordered Lin Marie, 47, formerly of Miller Drive, Frazer, jailed for having contact with animals, even though Marie agreed not to do so as part of her release before her sentencing.

Sentencing was supposed to occur yesterday, but the judge postponed it until Dec. 4 because Marie didn’t have a psychological evaluation done as the judge had ordered.

Marie, also known as Linda Bruno, would have continued to stay out of jail until sentencing even after the judge learned Monday that Marie was living at the house of her mother, who has cats, and that Marie couldn’t be readily found by a probation officer.

Both could have been grounds for revoking Marie’s non-monetary bond.

Rangos warned Marie, “I will revoke your bond if I get one more piece of evidence of any sort.”

Then the judge was told that there still may be cats living at the supposedly defunct Tiger Ranch.

[snip]

When Judge Rangos heard about cats at Tiger Ranch, she ordered county sheriff’s deputies to see for themselves. All cats were to be removed from the property under the terms of Marie’s pre-sentence release.

When the deputies got to the property around lunchtime, they found cats.

[snip]

Almost all the doors around the Tiger Ranch complex had been opened, a fire was burning in a trash barrel and four to five cats were wandering the property, Manning said.

Manning said a man who identified himself as a caretaker said he was burning household trash stuffed in used cat food and cat litter bags. Manning said he saw fresh cat feces and about 15 empty food and litter bags in a garage, along with a bag of dog food.

At least three of the cats had names, Manning said, which Rangos said contradicted the defense’s claims that they were feral.

“No matter how you spin this, at a minimum it’s suspicious,” Rangos said before revoking Marie’s bond.

[snip]

[More at link]

OK, my head is spinning now.

But despite other things which seem to be in violation of the terms of bond… COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KEEP STRAY CATS off of a FARM in the COUNTRY???

Seriously, because if anyone has that magical information, I could make millions with it.

Just when it starts making sense, and people seem to be responding and proceeding reasonably and rationally… they go off the deep end with bullshit like that.

And in these days of economic crises, no state budget, and millions and millions of real people who are suffering with real problems (not to mention real criminals committing real crimes)… does any of this really matter in the scheme of things, today, October 7, 2009?

Has all this really been an appropriate expenditure of both taxpayer dollars… and human effort?

Has anything in the big picture been made… “better”?